We Cannot Let You Marry (A song of unreason)

This song came to me one day after hearing someone from the Salvation Army talking about their inability to accept SAME SEX MARRIAGE. At the same time I'd been watching an old Wind In The Willows movie and listening to the character Ratty singing and playing piano in a very Noel Coward fashion. Somehow all the ingredients came together.
Keep watching, I'll be posting a recording of the song soon.

WE CANNOT LET YOU MARRY IF YOU'RE GAY

We cannot let you marry if you're Gay
You can have your pink and flaming nights
But not your special day
We won't stand in judgment
If you have sex with a rodent
But we cannot let you marry if you're Gay

We cannot let you marry if you're Bent
You can share a flat with a single room
If it helps you pay the rent
You should give your friend back his deposit
If he comes out of the closet
No we cannot let you marry if you're Bent

We cannot let you marry if you're a Dyke
You can wear overalls and shave your head
And ride a motor bike
But the pre-requisite for this job
Is one of you must have a knob
We cannot let you marry if you're a Dyke.

We cannot join together
Two girls named Sue and Heather
Or give the Bridal Watlz a whirl
Unless you are a boy and girl

We cannot let you marry if you're Queer
You can be a trucky, or a bit of a ducky
Or just a bit of a dear
You can wear pink and purple and turquoise
You can dance all night with Phillipino boys
But we cannot let you marry if you're Queer.

We cannot let you marry if you're a Queen
You be flamboyant and mince about
If you've got the gay gene
And although your genetics are in a mess
Only one of you can wear a wedding dress
We cannot let you marry if you're a Queen

We cannot let you marry
Do you Phil take you Harry
We cannot let you wed
Do you John take you Fred

We cannot let you marry if you're a Fag
You can colour your hair and paint your nails
Performing ABBA dressed in drag
But as far as boy to boy romance
Only one of you can wear the pants
We cannot let you marry if you're a Fag

We cannot let you marry if you'r a Bear
You can wax your back and crack and sack
And all of your body hair
You can lazer treat all of your pubes
You can cover yourself in flavoured lubes
But we cannot let you marry if you're a Bear.

We cannot let you marry if you're Gay
You can be a bus driver, butcher or baker
And work all night and day
You can do anything to say the least
You can even become a Catholic Priest
But we cannot let you marry ....Do you Phil take you Harry .....
We cannot let you marry if you're Gay.

Grant Fenton
JULY 2012