If The Shoe Fits

My novel, If The Shoe Fits is sitting at around 20,000 words now so I've taken off what was posted to give it a bit of shine and add to it a bit. It will be back soon.

The Girl Next Door

“I can’t get over that guy” barked out from

Next door’s garden in the early night

“And how he went on and on and on

Certainly he’d be no white knight.

Fucked off he did, as fuck off I said”.

Then laughs filled all the air outside

Where too many voices spoke too loud,

Too long, too much, too far, too wide.

The leaving for me was too empty.

Chatter and call and occasion to

Find occasion too tempting for me to rise

To the stair and stare and see through

The temptation of a girl next door.

For all that she might offer to me

Is a lonely walk and darkened path

That would neither bind or set me free.

So the lights went out on both sides

Of the fence and in the dark I waited

For a signal or a sign or an offer

For which my breath was baited.

Sunset Fishing Lady

Sunset Fishing Lady

Sunset Fishing Lady perched upon a pontoon and

Looks toward the burning sky as the very last

Breath of daytime whippers into the face of the cool night.

She looks above the water, flat like, glass like, where

Insects lift and leave tiny shock waves which grow and

Reach across the water to spread to where some fish may bite.

The line lays long and leaning along the incline leaving up

From the wet and reaching to the end where her soft

Hands feel for any moment, any murmur on the line.

Lithe and small she stands and waits while the sun

Finally lost behind the edge of the day and the earth

And then gives way to early stars and a rising moon on time.

Silent air surrounds her and she might think her steady breath

Is heard by all the world, for it alone is all she hears.

Changing feet for comfort she shifts her weight and waits for not one

Moment in time, her destination is her journey and for

The time being, being timeless is what matters and that moonlight

Fills her hands and tomorrow she can exchange it for some sun.

Grant Fenton

Draft 1-  31 May 2011

The Last Day Off

THE DAY OFF

Simon is a Manager in a busy Government Department. His boss, Paul is talking to him on the phone.

SIMON:      Paul, its Simon.

PAUL:         Yes, hello Simon. How’s things? Good weekend? Janelle and you have a nice night out on Saturday night? Now what can I do for you?

SIMON:      Paul, its about Gerard..

PAUL:         Gerard? Gerard Creely? What about him?

SIMON:      I’m afraid he………….he um………………

PAUL:         Don’t tell me he’s away again?

SIMON:      Well he won’t be in I’m afraid, you see……..

PAUL:         Oh for FUCK SAKE! That’s it, I’m completely over Gerard’s attitude. Its just not good enough Simon. Just not good enough.

SIMON:      Paul, can you just hold on a minute…..Gerard died on Saturday.

PAUL:         Well I don’t care. Its one thing after another. He had a car accident in February, he was overseas at a wedding in March, the flu one week, a sick Grand mother the next, a so called heart attack last week and now you’re telling me he’s dead and won’t be in. Its just very poor form Simon. Very poor form indeed.

SIMON:      Yes, Paul, but….

PAUL:         Does he have a Doctor’s Certificate?

SIMON:      He’s dead Paul.

PAUL:         OK then. A Death Certificate? He’d better have one or else its going to be a hard road home for him I’m afraid. You know, we can’t carry people Simon. Every one has to be responsible for themselves you know. I made it in to work today. I would have like to have stayed home, but you don’t see me with a sick Grand Mother. You don’t see me dying. I came to work.

SIMON:      OK, but..

PAUL:         Where would we be if we all stayed at home and died every weekend?

                   (Long pause)

SIMON:      (Uncertain) In the ground?

PAUL:         In the ground! That’s right. In the ground! And where would McArthur Manufacturing be then Simon? It would be in the ground with us my friend. In the ground with us. That’s right.

                   So, what I want to see…..are you listening Simon? What I want to see is a death certificate on my desk first thing tomorrow morning or Gerard is going to have to reconsider his future here with us. That’s right. Reconsider.

TWO HOURS LATER SIMON IS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH JANELLE, THE SECRETARY.

JANELLE:   So did you call his family.

PAUL:         I did. I had to leave about six messages before one of them called me back.

JANELLE:   So who called you? What did they say?

PAUL:         It was his brother Don. He told me to stick McAurthur Manufacturing up my arse and told me he was going to come around and belt fuck out me.

JANELLE:   What are you going to tell Paul?

Phone rings….

                   Hello? Yes Paul he’s here. I’ll send him in.

Simon enters Paul’s office.

PAUL:         Hi Simon. Come in. Sit down. Rough morning? I bet. I know this is hard on you. You’re a staff member down and you’re trying your best, I know, I know. You’re a trier. That’s why I like you.  So, I’ve decided that I’m going to have to let Gerard go. I know I said we could wait to get his certificate tomorrow morning, but I’m afraid his performance hasn’t been up to scratch. Bascially, he’s not a team player. That’s right. Not part of the team. So I’m going to have to let him go. I’ve drafted a letter for Janelle to type up….she can do 70 words a minute you know….That means it will take her about 3 minutes to write this letter. I count the words and then I time her to see what she can do. Amazing. You should see her little fingers go……so I’ve written the letter and that’s that. He’s gone. He’s no longer here….. (Paul makes a sign with his fingers to represent inverted commas)…IN THE GROUND!!! As you said. That’s a good one Simon. A good one. I like that analogy. I think I’ll use it at the Board meeting next week. Yes. In the ground.

SIMON:      But Paul…..Gerard really is dead. He died on Saturday.

PAUL:         Well, that aside Simon you have to admit he hasn’t been performing so I don’t think that’s really the issue. I’ve spoken to HR about it and basically if he’s not performing we can let him go.

SIMON:      But he’ll go anyway

PAUL:         Well that’s good for him. You wouldn’t want to try and hang around a place when you’re not wanted and frankly Simon, we don’t want him. He’s no longer a part of the team. He’s  (Paul makes a sign with his fingers to represent inverted commas again)…IN THE GROUND!

SIMON:      Please stop saying that Paul.

PAUL:         They’re your words Simon and good ones. They sum up the situation perfectly.

SIMON:      That’s because he’s really dead.

PAUL:         And he’s no longer part of this team. That’s right. Not part of the team. We’re a team here Simon. You, me, Janelle, Ronny the little retarded kid who licks the bags, Phil in accounting, all of us. We’re a team. Well now there’s no Gerard in that team. That’s right. No Gerard in the team.

ONE WEEK LATER

Simon knocks on Paul’s Door.

PAUL:         Come in? Oh Hi Simon. How are you? Did you have a nice weekend? Good. Glad to hear it. Come in and sit down. All friends here. Would you like a coffee? I’ve just asked Janelle to run down to the coffee shop and grab one. I can call her if you like? They make a nice Cappuccino or Latte? No?

SIMON:      I just wanted to let you know that I’ve had a phone call from Gerard’s lawyer.

PAUL:         Lawyer? You must be fucking joking? What does he want?

SIMON:      They’re suing us for unlawful dismissal.

PAUL:         They’re what?

SIMON:      Well they’re claiming that we shouldn’t have sacked him after he died.

PAUL:         Fuckem’ Simon. That’s right. Fuckem! He’s been nothing but trouble since we employed him. Away all the time, sick and dying one week, it was always something with Gerard. Always something.

SIMON:      I know Paul, but we probably shouldn’t have sacked him. He wasn’t going to come back anyway.

PAUL:         So what are they worried about? For God Sake! You can’t win can you. You try and run a business, a good business by the way. I’ve built McArthur Manufacturing up from the brink you know. From the brink!

SIMON:      I know Paul, but if you’d just left it alone he wouldn’t have come back to work and it all would have worked itself out.

PAUL:         Well I decided to work it out for him. I’m over it Simon. You don’t think I often feel pressure too? I’d love to take days off and not come in sometimes, but I can’t. Hard decisions need to be made and I make them. And when it comes to Gerard? Well I made that one too. He’s gone.

                   He’s “IN THE GROUND”.

SIMON:      Paul! Please stop saying that. Its bad enough that we have to deal with his lawyers, but when you keep saying “IN THE GROUND” it makes me feel terrible.

PAUL:         Well I don’t know why you should feel terrible Simon. They were your words. I used them at the Board Meeting yesterday and they loved it. They loved it. Loved it.

SIMON:      Well its in pretty bad taste Paul.

PAUL:         No Simon. I’ll tell you what’s in bad taste. Suing an employer who did its level best to keep Gerard on. What more could we have done. We gave him every opportunity and still nothing. 

SIMON:      Yes but…..

PAUL:         But nothing Simon. Not even a death certificate when I expressly asked for one. I can tell you the next staff newsletter will have some very interesting information about days off.

We Cannot Let You Marry (A song of unreason)

This song came to me one day after hearing someone from the Salvation Army talking about their inability to accept SAME SEX MARRIAGE. At the same time I'd been watching an old Wind In The Willows movie and listening to the character Ratty singing and playing piano in a very Noel Coward fashion. Somehow all the ingredients came together.
Keep watching, I'll be posting a recording of the song soon.

WE CANNOT LET YOU MARRY IF YOU'RE GAY

We cannot let you marry if you're Gay
You can have your pink and flaming nights
But not your special day
We won't stand in judgment
If you have sex with a rodent
But we cannot let you marry if you're Gay

We cannot let you marry if you're Bent
You can share a flat with a single room
If it helps you pay the rent
You should give your friend back his deposit
If he comes out of the closet
No we cannot let you marry if you're Bent

We cannot let you marry if you're a Dyke
You can wear overalls and shave your head
And ride a motor bike
But the pre-requisite for this job
Is one of you must have a knob
We cannot let you marry if you're a Dyke.

We cannot join together
Two girls named Sue and Heather
Or give the Bridal Watlz a whirl
Unless you are a boy and girl

We cannot let you marry if you're Queer
You can be a trucky, or a bit of a ducky
Or just a bit of a dear
You can wear pink and purple and turquoise
You can dance all night with Phillipino boys
But we cannot let you marry if you're Queer.

We cannot let you marry if you're a Queen
You be flamboyant and mince about
If you've got the gay gene
And although your genetics are in a mess
Only one of you can wear a wedding dress
We cannot let you marry if you're a Queen

We cannot let you marry
Do you Phil take you Harry
We cannot let you wed
Do you John take you Fred

We cannot let you marry if you're a Fag
You can colour your hair and paint your nails
Performing ABBA dressed in drag
But as far as boy to boy romance
Only one of you can wear the pants
We cannot let you marry if you're a Fag

We cannot let you marry if you'r a Bear
You can wax your back and crack and sack
And all of your body hair
You can lazer treat all of your pubes
You can cover yourself in flavoured lubes
But we cannot let you marry if you're a Bear.

We cannot let you marry if you're Gay
You can be a bus driver, butcher or baker
And work all night and day
You can do anything to say the least
You can even become a Catholic Priest
But we cannot let you marry ....Do you Phil take you Harry .....
We cannot let you marry if you're Gay.

Grant Fenton
JULY 2012